How to Cook an Accident

Last month, I cooked a Filipino dish (of Spanish influence/origin) on my own, without a recipe, and purely by accident. I think it is usually known as Chicken Afritada, but I now refer to it as ‘Chicken Acci-tada’ (as my dad wittily named it). So I thought I’d just run you through my recipe of mistakes to make this dish.

  • Mistake 1: Severely underestimating how long it would take to cook dinner

When making your dish, do plan out your time appropriately, particularly if you’re living on your own. Don’t say, “Hm. I’m feeling hungry. I should probably eat something.” when you’re really quite hungry and haven’t started cooking. Save yourself the hunger pains and PLAN AHEAD. For example…

  • Mistake 2: Not defrosting the chicken for an adequate amount of time

If you want to cook chicken that has been previously frozen, leave ample time to defrost it. Do try not to frantically defrost it while your garlic (that has been frying in the pan) starts to get kind of burnt. Also, adding water to the mixture to try to defrost the chicken quicker is all well and good, but it’s probably best if you…

  • Mistake 3: Using a frying pan (the flat one) instead of a sauce pan

As you desperately toss and turn the chicken in a frenzied attempt to defrost it, an apron will most likely come in handy. This is due to the fact that you will undeniably be splashed with the sauce of your dish, and frying pans are not very good for preventing sloshing. Add a few pinches of salt and a couple of lids of soy sauce. Paint a couple of sauce stains on your shirt. Keep mixing. Needless to say, sauce pans are the way to go.

  • Mistake 4: Using a bamboo spatula instead of the spoon

Ever notice how sauces tend to slip off spatulas easily? Really? I hadn’t thought of it. (Clearly.) A spoon is your ultimate weapon in the war of mixing a semi-stew (you know; has sauce but isn’t quite a soup). It is also rather handy in pouring extra ‘sauce’ over the chicken (which by now has mercifully defrosted; now the proper cooking starts.)

  • Mistake 5: Spontaneously deciding to add carrots (because vegetables)

Once you have determined that the chicken is cooked (by viciously piercing a piece of it and angrily slicing into it to check), remember your five food groups. And also realise that you should probably be getting more vegetables in your diet (I blame my Nutrition subject). So, quickly pull the carrots out of your fridge, peel them with ferocity and hack them into vaguely bite-sized pieces, before hurriedly chucking them into your sauce- I mean – frying pan.

Finally, after a gruelling battle with your dinner, serve it on a plate, and quietly eat it in surrender.

And that, my friends, is how you make Chicken Acci-tada. Feel free to NOT use my recipe, and try to learn from my mistakes.

 

{Song of the Post: ‘One Little Slip’ by The Barenaked Ladies}

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